eight legged messengers

  ｡𖦹°‧

9.26.26 

     hi doll~  I've been leaning into philosophy more- mainly because I'm not religious, but spiritual- a lot of times I don’t know what I believe. I know I don’t believe the generic Jesus or god image that resembles Jared Leto lol I really don't think god has a physical form at all, at least mine doesn't. I do believe everyone has their own god too. 

    I started learning about stoics, buddhism, and others- I'd loooooove to visit a monastery I realised first of all lol now my boyfriend and I are planning a trip for it next year. Second, I started reading The Alchemist. I wouldn't call myself a huge book worm because I read when I feel I need to if that makes sense. Like my gut tells me when I need to read or hear something and I call that my mini god because it's always what I need to hear or see at that time. I believe god talks to us in different ways and that is one of them. Anyway, a specific chapter in that book taught me about omens and how they work.

I've never paid attention to how frequently I see something and deemed it as spiritual- just annoying or odd lol. When I tell you, every time I turn around- there's a spider? I MEAN IT LMAO and I do not like spiders whatsoever. It had gotten to a point though where my boyfriend was like- have you looked into that spiritually? Because it was getting crazy like-

I'm said no, I've just been killing them, fighting for my life if you will. Apparently spiders are actually very good omens- they weave their own homes, lives, futures. In ancient times they were labeled as "the poet"- I'm like omg that’s me lol but how they appear matters too. In the bathtub/ bathroom, laundry room, by a specific doorway, in front of your face on its web, even its size- it all matters. Butterflies too especially dependent on the type of butterfly like white butterflies means a loved one is watching over you.

I haven't had too much experience with death, until recently. I lost my two best friends, one in May and the other in August three days before my birthday. To an outsider this probably won't sound so deep once I tell you they were dogs, but they were more than that to me, way more.

Sophie & Sosa were their names and they grew up with me. 

From puppies while I was in elementary to me being 24 and them passing at 12 & 13. As long as they stayed- I thought they'd be with me forever. They were truly the loves of my life and before I cry lol I believe if theres anybody watching over me- it's them. Those are my angels.

These spiders, for me, meant boundaries, transition, and sudden alignment. I won't go through every single spider is saw and the meaning lol but the laundry room spider for instance- meant cleaning/purification/ releasing old to start fresh. My friends represented the end of an era of my youth but also a new beginning because I don’t think I would've ever left home knowing they were still here. I'm actively feeling and cleaning out grief, confinement, and stepping into my independence more. I've mapped out what my future looks like to me and none of it includes how alone I am currently, at home, with my cat, in a space I once shared with my friends. 

It's like the spiders told me to stand up, keep going, dream big because you can create whatever you want. If I can create a whole world for myself- out of a single effort from my body- you can too.

Killing them isn't bad luck though lol I checked. I swear I give them a chance now. I recommend paying more attention to weird coincidences though- I can share more on the spider meanings if you want to know or have questions, but the universe, god, really does work in mysterious ways.

x Troi ♡